I saw that movie zombieland a few months back and the first rule of surviving zombieland was.....you guessed it! CARDIO:
Right now if Hell were to become full and the dead began to walk the earth....I would be fucked. I may be 70 pounds lighter than I was a year ago but I still don't like running.And like the fat guy above I give the zombie's about 3/8's of a mile before they get to munch on my sweaty, out of breath tail.
In preparation for the zombie apocalypse, I have decided, like it or not to start running. I have a track in my front yard. Seriously, I look outside and our town's peewee field is across the street. We have lived here for almost 3 years and I have maybe stepped on the track 6 times. I wonder how many times the lardass in the pic above had stepped on that football field he was running across before the ZA? (zombie apocalypse)
This past week I began zombie training. I ran 3 days, today will be my 4th for the week. My calves hurt, my thighs hurt, and for some strange reason I fart uncontrollably for about 30 minutes after each run. But survival demands more!
Day 1: I took my 5 year-old to the track with me. We walk/ran for about 3/4 a mile before his little legs couldn't handle anymore. I took him back home, then came back out and finished an additional 1 1/4 mile for a total of 2 miles that day. I also had taken my iphone with me but ran into an issue. First I had no headphones with me so when we ran it created a bit of a doppler effect. 2nd I had no workout specific playlist so it was hit n miss on whether the songs were good for working out.
Day 2: Was sore from the previous days run but still headed to the track...I think we taste the same to the zombies regardless of how sore our muscles are. This day I went to the track before I had to pick my son up from school. I purchased a set of headphones to cure the whole doppler effect issue and hit the ground running. I managed to run about a lap and a half before I needed to slow down and walk. I only managed a mile before I had to pick up the kiddo from school. I still hadn't fixed the play list either so Taylor Swift and Rihanna kept sneaking into my Pantera and Iron Maiden. Still 1 more mile down for a total of 3 for the week. Not bad.
Day 3: Got home, entertained my little boy while Stacy worked out, then strapped on the sleeveless shirt and iphone and headed out. I made a playlist with the following songs:
This was by far the best day on the track. The playlist made a HUGE difference! I started in lane 1 and moved over a lane for each lap. Completed 2 miles ran about 75% of it! It still took a good 30 minutes to do which isn't phenomenal. But at least I can say that I hate running a little less. I'm still hoping it's the slow zombie's and not the fast one when the ZA occurs. But I'm not gonna rest on my laurels. This is no longer just about fitness and feeling good...and not jiggling when I brush my teeth. This is now survival training.
The more I run, the less it hurts. The more I run, the farther I go each time. Let the undead bastards come. Training begins now.
By the way if ZA does occur before I get any better at running and you see this guy:
I didn't make it. Take me out of my lifeless misery.
Until next time, remember: It gets easier.
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